We met eyed-to-eyed when I had to interview him. Then we met again for job offering. Congrats, U got the offer!
Days went by, our IT team installed everyone an instant messaging - Spark. One of my friend said that it will be a medium to spread love within company. Haha.. Dont even took serious on that.
So he came back through Spark. Since then, we chat whenever we were free. Laughing, joking, discussing, gaduh2, so-called loklak among each other. The way we changed each other number was kinda awkward to me! The guy just gave his number, then I was asked to give mine - Just in case of anything, we could just reached by handphone.- That was the best reason he had at that time, I thought~
I know he's a non-serious guy. He made jokes to whatever he had in mind. While I'm a cheerful girl. I made people happy. - Well, at least thats what I thought about me & what I want to be ;)
He got a pretty newborn 1st niece. That made him a Paksu! I started to called him with the name. He called my other name too, Maksu - What a coincidence, the same title!
On Febuary, we got a friend's wedding. Wahhh, that was the first time we went out together. So, we bought a vacuum as per requested by the couple, then an idea came across to buy a side woofer with the balance money. - Awesome huh?! :D During the wedding ceremony, we SMS each other though he sat just behind me. Gila tak? Tried my hardest to be invisible! Best part is, I got a chance to see his best buddy too - En. Photographer. *Melihat dari jauh dan tidak berasa mahu berkawan. Saya orang berlagak*
On my birthday..
I dont really know where'd he knew about my birthday? But the action was so sweet, to receive thoughtful card, and a balloon - Though its not real, but the sweetness was there :)
The next surprises...
I was super busy dealing with one of HR project, staying in the glass room the whole week. That was the week when he started to give hints. Did I told you, he made jokes and not serious? So I never put in mind of whatever he meant. Till he gave me the song, and keep saying things that made me Gulp! It was m.e.n.a.k.u.t.k.a.n. - "Mamat ni da gila," I thought.
~~~~~
I think my heart is taken by that girl...
Xpaham English.. Malay pliss.. :)
My major weakness exposed...
I need to send him to KTM.. He did explained the easiet route to went back home, but I messed up! Panic in the car, keep calling his name while driving bajet dia dengar, keep looking at the mirror knowing he was watching me from far, and went into different route than he told previous. Since then, whenever I need to travel, he'll know I get sesat before I reached.
We had our first discussion..
Exposed to public...
What can I say? He was hot (euuuwww!), I'm the hotter (aha!), so people could smell us. Many said we were so sweet. Paksu Maksu to each other, smile and wink whenever had chance! Pavlova, the best meringue we had. We never said those three words to each other, never on phone, never went out frequent, but we were very good in jokes,singing out loud in the car, did crazy things such as using the bukit lengkok (Mengkuang dam) route in late night, still the relationship blooms & glooms just the way it is - Can you imagine where I supposed to recite Kursi, but accidently recite innalillah while using the route? Scary amat!
He told me about his plan. To get married.. I was gulp! again.. We discussed on this - NOTE: Discussion is the best medium to express feeling..Sila amalkan. So we agreed that he will bring his whole family to my parent's house. Everything went as planned. He was sitting in the living, yet dare to sms me, sending SMS gelabah bewak! - Again, Didnt I told you he really likes to joke?
Here comes the rain...
Everything changed. Totally changed. Bad changed.. He took few weeks to tell me this. I was left in headache thinking about what exactly went wrong, what I made wrong. We discussed, I said I'll be by his side, give full support, but he has to be strong! I'll handle my family as long as he dont give up..Yeah, he'll do that..- He said.. and I believed him.
Now the heavy rain..
After a week, he asked to meet and discuss again. I was freaking scared of things I did not want to hear. Accidently mad and end the conversation. Inhale, exhale.. I apolgised to him, asked him to drop by after Isyak to pick up pavlova.
We split..
It was the strengh given by Allah.. We were in the park looking at the tasik. He decided to end the relationship, I was listening in calm while having my icecream. In calm too, I accepted his decision, both went home. I was proud with myself. Didnt even cry at all. That night we sms each other again.
"Thank you for being part of my life for quite some time.."
"Selamat malam & selamat tinggal carta hati."
" Selamat berkenalan kembali kawan.."
Thought I was strong..
I gone crazy. I joined the blood donation (euuuww I hate needles!), behaved differently, even my supersivor didnt even recognized me. I cried out loud while driving to home after work. The tears dropped & never stopped. I knew if I stayed home, I'll never stop crying. So, I called my bestfriend, we went out having great heavy dinner, laughing. Then we went to watch movie, I convinced I was okay then. Unfortunately, all the way back, I cried.And I went through my new hobby, crying night after night till I slept.. - Pathetic, I know..
"Adik yang putuskan hubungan ni. Masing-masing busy. Tengok lah nanti.. Insyaallah."
I told you I could handle my family, right? So, case closed. I went outstation in KL and accidently met his family member in the shopping complex. Few chats, and went away quickly.. - To avoid others.
I didnt realized dad was upset till he asked me to list 10 reasons why I left him. All my excuses were rejected. While, mom was mad & claimed his mother for sure was very mad at me for making this such ridiculous decision. I smiled.. - Let it be.. As long as they didnt blame him..
I was having high fever when we had kenduri doa selamat for dad. Mom sad looking me like that and asked, "Rindu dia? Dia ada telefon? I could no longer see her in that situation, so I told her everything and made her promised not tell any of our family members. I knew she sad, but she is strong.. - For me at least.
Almost... until I heard a shock news! He should have told me. He gave up everything and follows whatever decided for him.. Allah, why'd he became so weak? I did not know, never know that he his this weak. He let the ego wins.. - An ego could break, but it requires strengh, efforts, and sacrifies to break it.
I have nothing to say..
He already chose his path. To let others decide his life. Maybe, he thoughts he'll be free after having his new life. - Once you let people decide for you, forever they'll go into your life. Sometime you have to say no, so they know that you deserved to decide for your life. I have nothing to say.. A man I knew who patiently took a year to come near me, has become so weak. I salute the other him for making him this way. That is what the other him demand, to make him follows.. And he thought by going out from here, he could get away from the other him? Nonsense! He already tight himself with the other him by accepting his demand.
"I never blame you for what had happened. It was my fault to have faith & believe in you. It was my stupidity for staying beside you. I know it's not your fault that things went differently. But I'm very,very,very sad when you became this weak. A week after discussion, you decided to let go. A month plus after the break-up, I received another news. Did you saw any effort in there? But, you have made your own choice. It's no longer about us, about me, but it is about you. How you have become so weak. I am here crying for the last time & promise not to cry anymore."
Mariah Carey - Through The Rain Mariah Carey - Cant Take That Away
P/S: I've been thinking, once the breakup spreads, it will look bad on me.. My huge frightens~
2 comments:
i cried when i read this...
why u not tell me?
who am i for u?
i'm always besides u......
I know I have u & everyone who cares.. Thats made me strong :)
Jumpa nanti ;)
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